I feel like I have just been so boring. By the way, the picture connected to this post is me completely natural...No weave, no make up. My hair was a curly mess after taking my braids down. Anyways, I don't have much to talk about anymore, or at least not right now. My mind has been blank, other than the fact that I am struggling to pay this damn car note but I've already posted at least twice about paying bills. I started my receptionist job at Ames Ave Tattoo but there's not much to write about when it comes to that except for the fact that I think the female artist hates me but I think that's just her attitude towards
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I know a lot of girls that are pregnant or have recently had their babies. I see it posted all over Facebook and even two of my older sisters are pregnant right now, at the same time. One is due in March, the other in May. Congratulations to them and the other mothers. I made a post on here about not wanting kids right now and it sort of came out as semi letter to my future children...That still stands. I do, sometimes, feel like I am catching this "baby fever" Omaha seems to be spreading around. There's this guy who messaged me on Facebook and his name is LaMar Patterson. He checked out my website and somewhere along the lines, he mentioned wanting to write something to my site. He wanted to maybe try to get some type of exposure on here and I will support him on that, as long as he is respectful. Readers, I may not have a whole lot of 'exposure' or anything YET but I am slowly but surely climbing the ladder to success with my site. I won't and can't give up just yet. Anyways, back to the point, I'm unsure as to if it will be a short story, poem, or what exactly, but I'm excited to read about whatever he creates. Whenever that post is ready, be on the lookout!!! If there is anyone else that wants to post to here, I don't care if it's a drawing, poem, advertising, promoting, etc... Then just email me or comment on here!!! I get annoyed with "talking to myself" when I am blogging, I'd love to hear from others. MY SITE IS PICKING UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In 50 years, Earth will be one big ball of filth and darkness. Sure, technology is saving our butts now and it's the best thing to happen to humans since bacon (I looooove bacon) but eventually we will have conquered the Universe of Technological Things and that shit will turn against us. The shit will eventually break down and maybe even some of the devices will come alive, create an Army, and destroy anyone in its path of conquest. Really 50 years isn't that far away to try to even imagine such a horrible place but if you think about it, we are already so close If I have any faithful readers out there, I am sorry I have not been blogging for the past few days. I took a trip to Aurora, CO and I did not have my laptop or tablet on me. I guess I could have used my cellphone but I had spotty reception so I don't think it would have been quite effective to try. My trip was a great but horrible experience... If you want to know why, you'll have to email or inbox me directly -_-. On another note, I did miss you guys!!! My site is my baby and I felt like I wasn't taking care of it but now Mama is back!!! I hope my readers continue to check in on my blog posts because when I see my stats go up I get super excited and motivated to keep up with everything... Shout outs to Abracadabra Dunlap and Rita Taylor for being dedicated readers and encouraging me to keep writing! THANK YOU! It makes my heart glow with pride and joy to know that all I do on here isn't for nothing. I just love to write and inspire thru my stories to anyone who will listen (well, read) I worry about 'adult' things. I worry about bills, how to pay them, how much I owe, when they are due...I worry about my marriage, am I a good wife, how can I make it better, will this marriage last...There are a shit ton of things I worry about, stress about, get depressed about. I honestly think about giving everything away and just go off of the grid sometimes, but that just does not seem like it would work well for my lifestyle. I thought about turning my cellphone off but what if I need it for an emergency or someone needs to get ahold of me in case anything happened? I don't really understand why but lately I have just been paranoid and thinking someone is following and watching me. It's funny right? I know nobody is after me, I'm nothing amazing. They would bring my ass back in a heart beat. I keep looking around whenever I go out somewhere, thinking in my mind that I'm a really cool spy in the movies or something. At night, I'm even scared of my shadow. I became a writer because first off, I can't draw to save my life, aside from the usual stick people or one dimensional houses. Second, I was always better at reading and English in school and I discovered that I could bring words to life if I put my mind to it. As much as I try to be imaginative (I am sometimes) my writing comes from my personal life experiences, my feelings and emotions, my heart, you know? The typical places, I guess. I talked with my friend from middle school this morning (all morning) and she was talking to me about all the bullshit drama she is going thru over he say, she say type mess and she was so upset about the things that had gone down, over people in her "circle" and her best friend that she's having issues with. It made me start thinking...I have a one friend policy. Seriously, I have at least one friend per year. The friendships never ended in a bad way, exactly, it's just like a mutual termination and we eventually fall off but that doesn't mean all contact is shunned. If I see them out and about, I'll still say wassup or something. Also, if I do hang out with more than one person, it is usually maybe only one or at the max, 2 other people at a time. I know some people out there probably think I am a "lame" or something but if that means that I am less involved with pettiness and extra shit then so be it. When I get phone calls like that and have those conversations I'm grateful for my self implemented policy. Yes, I have "friends" on Facebook but when has that ever really counted? Having one friend is less of a hassle, less chaos, it's cheaper, and it is just easier to plan when going out. Stick with my one friend policy and I can almost guarantee you will be happier!!!!!! I should probably be sleep but instead I am up and I feel so stressed out that I have a headache. A part of me wants to reach for the thermal cup of wine I have in my kitchen, but that doesn't solve anything right now and it might even make the headache worse. Anyways I am just so overwhelmed and stuck. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I think I have a plan but if that plan fails, there is no backup. In this very second, my husband is probably the only thing keeping me from going over the edge and completely falling to pieces. I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I am tired of fighting this battle with myself. |
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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