I am trying to promote this site to the fullest...So I took it upon myself to go ahead and make me some "business" cards to hand out whenever I meet interesting people. My friend Brandon kind of gave me the idea, but he told me to hand out flyers. I thought cards were cute, a little more personal and way more professional. They should be here by January 24th and I can not wait!!! I need help promoting this site so if you're willing to help and be a part of that then let me know, I need all the help I can get!!!
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Once I got married I took it upon myself to undergo my own sort of makeover. I felt that as a wife I had a different standard and look to uphold. I thought I was doing 'okay' on the scale of Looks but after I "transformed" myself I admit that I felt much better. I started watching the girls at work and how they did their makeup and I even went to Youtube and seen a shit ton of DIY makeup tutorials. I got the makeup part down, from the eyeliner, to the eyeshadow, to the blush, lipstick, the whole shabang. I even learned how to do my eyebrows and I think that really brought out the confidence in me somehow...If you draw on or enhance your eyebrows in anyway then you understand...I ordered the "baby doll" type contacts offline and I went shopping for a new wardrobe. I remember when I would ask the question to myself of would I rather be rich and miserable or poor and happy. I even asked a few of my so called friends at that time. Those materialistic bitches, I think they all picked rich and miserable. Of course that's what'd they pick... I might have been the only one to choose poor and happy. My reasoning was that if you have all the happiness in the world then nothing else matters, everyone loves you and you just get to be happy and joyous all the time. How naive was I? I'm sure there are poor, happy people out there but I can't say that I could ever be one of them. I have probably written like 5 of these but I feel as if this is one is somehow more official now that it is on my site. I do not have any kids currently, and I don't even want them for at least another 5 years from now but writing little letters to my future baby or babies always seem to put me at ease for whenever they do pop into my life... I want my kids, to not be like me, but to be better than me. I want them to always reach for the stars and dream big, no matter how outlandish those dreams may be. I will teach them to be respectful and responsible and all the other core values there are to be taught in life. I want them to succeed and never settle for anything less. I want them to come to me with any problems they encounter and know that I will always love them. I do,however, get nervous thinking about the time when it comes for me to be a parent.... I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety. During my month long stay (damn) in the psych ward, I had these therapy groups 2x a day, a private session with my doctor, 3 "gatherings" (?) where we gave our mood and goals for the day, and some days I met with my case worker one on one to talk about my progress. I took meds 3x a day (Zoloft, Trileptol, & Trazadone). It sounds like a lot but it was actually nice and simple,so stress free for the most part. I met some awesome and amazing people and made memories of a lifetime. It felt too good to just let my guard down for a second and relate to people who felt the same things I did and hearing their life stories made me feel less alone. For once I felt like I had a voice, people LISTENED to my problems. Nobody scoffed or rolled their eyes at what anybody had gone through. It was relieving to cry sometimes and not feel like everyone was watching me, judging me. Everyone was there to help and I found comfort in knowing that. I admit that when I first got there I was not a happy camper AT ALL. Well, today is the first of the year. I don't care too much for the people that always feel the need to feed into the whole "New year, New me" bullshit. I don't believe in it. I used to but it never worked out for me... I always fell back into my old bad habits, doing the same shit that I promised I would leave in the previous year. I think I've given up trying to knowingly change. I mean, everyone person changes just a little everyday so why not just let it happen on its own recognizance? |
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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