More so now than ever (though, it's a recurring theme in my life evidently), I've been overly preoccupied with the concept of me simply not existing anymore. Some days, it's not necessarily about the wanting of death, but about not wanting to merely BE. I don't even know where "being" is, or if it's even attainable, and so I stay in a state of languishment and I keep searching. Everyday, I shut down more and more. I don't really want to close myself off, but whenever I think I'm on that cusp of unraveling, I think to myself "are they really hearing me?", and I tuck it back away. I tune out because it hurts my heart more to have that sudden realization that what I'm saying is kind of being "brushed off" because
0 Comments
I saw these two blog posts ideas that I'm combining in this post, so here I go... We never stop developing, as far as personal growth is concerned. Yet, I find myself forgetting this pivotal awareness, even though it's a "live" event we encounter daily, and even though I've written a million blogs on it. I actively try to "ignore" this, all the while subconsciously knowing that we will undergo incessant changes until the day we die, I suppose . So, a "lesson" I repeatedly have to learn is mindful awareness as I remind
If anyone reads my blog, then they'd know that I am on this perpetual journey of self-discovery and I am forever looking inward to learn all I can about myself to help me in my external environment. I think I have moved on now to actively working to find my voice. I blog a lot because I am able to have that space and time to allow myself to carefully plan out what I want to say next and it actually does take me quite some time to actually type these up. It takes me so long because my thoughts are jumping from one thought to the next and it becomes foggy in a sense of me being unable to focus on a single stream of consciousness long enough to sit down and write them out in complete sentences that would be comprehensible to others. I frequently get discouraged with myself when I attempt to express my
|
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
|