I think what gives me the most comfort is knowing that bad times don't last forever. Anytime there is something going on that isn't too pleasing or traumatic, saddening, or anything of the sort, I just think about how it will be over and that everything I feel in that moment will pass, eventually. For example, I think about a bad breakup with a guy as I write this. I think everything is going great and that our relationship couldn't get any better, and then BAM! The guy ends and I'm left to pick up the pieces
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Let me just start this off by saying that I love both of my parents, maybe not always equally, but I love them. I say my dad is hero, however, because he just is and that's the way I say it to be. Honestly, though, my dad has taught me a lot and I am so grateful to have him as my dad and to have him raise me himself. My parents were together up until the point when I was 5 years old and they separated. They gave me the choice of whether I wanted to stay at my mom's or move with my dad. I obviously chose my dad. My dad and I didn't have the luxurious life but we made it work. He
It is December, only a few weeks away from the new year and people making their dumb ass resolutions about things they will never fulfill in the year to come. I admit I have been a victim of trying to declare something and failing to meet whatever goal or expectation I set for myself. In my defense,they were all unrealistic, for the most part, anyways. This year, I am not even going to do that and set myself up for that trap again.
The topic I chose to write about was to answer the question of: "Do you think you are important and worthy of love and affection?". To simply put it: NO. Well, I mean, I didn't used to think so and it still crosses my mind every now and then. When I say I felt so down on myself and I thought I wasn't worth anything to anyone, I truly mean it. I thought I was better off being everyone's play toy and I didn't deserve anything for myself.
I remember reading this quote or maybe someone said it to me but it was something about the eyes being the pathways to the soul or something like that. I have always believed in that. The eyes are a scary place and it goes so much deeper than it appears. I used to be big on that kind of stuff with relationships too. I would be in a relationship if I felt we had connected through our eyes and felt those sparks and that maybe our souls had intertwined for that one split second and that's why we were meant to be in that relationship together. I finally "grew" out of that obsession or whatever you want to call it when I felt
What I regret most is not being as expressive about things I am passionate about and what I believe in, in my "younger" days. I was always that nerdy, soft spoken kid and I was a follower. I was always standing in other people's shadows, never defending my own thoughts and beliefs. I was too scared to take charge and I was too busy trying to please others. I was oblivious to the fact that they could care less about my happiness or what my opinion was.
Disappointment. I have lived my life in disappointment and not from others either. Nope, I was always a constant disappointment to myself. I was never enough and I hated everything about me for it. I never thought I was beautiful or worth anything to anyone. I was constantly battling within myself, scrambling for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to make it through the day.
I was searching around for blog topics to write about because I was drawing a blank and needed motivation. I came across a site that had 81 pointless blog starters until in the end when it said something about blogging being easy. It went on to say that thousands of blogs are created daily and anyone can start a blog in as little as five minutes but few people make blogs that matter. It got me thinking about how that is exactly right.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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