I think I start to miss my grandma the most at night time. I come home and I replay that day, February 8th, in my mind and I keep trying to tell myself it didn't happen. I still just miss her so much and I will always miss her but I just wish I could see her again, even for a moment. I keep remembering my mom calling me at 5 in the morning and telling me and I was in such disbelief. The only word that came out my mouth was "WHY." It wasn't even a question, more like a statement. I still remember kissing her cheek and holding her hand and staring at her because I just didn't want to believe it. It hurts so much still and I wish I could hear her voice again.
It always makes me laugh when people think that your world will stop spinning because they aren't a part of it. I also laugh when people try to make everything be about them. For example: you call up this person and tell them you fell and scraped your knee but one of your other friends was there to patch you up and now you're better. They then turn the situation to be about them by saying some bullshit like this "That friend only patched you up to make me jealous when I'm the one who gives you bandaids and stitches all the time." Like, damn, I'm hurt, who the hell cares who made me better!!! Those kinds of people can never let you have your own moment.
I'm out in California and this has got to be, like, my 10th trip here. I just love it here, love the weirdos, the weather, the struggle of it all. I have made some new friends out here and have made so many wonderful, young memories. Every time I come out here and everyone always thinks I'm a local and I say no but I do come a lot down here and mabe that shows. Even at home people inbox me, asking I'm still in Omaha or why don't I just move here. Well, I thought about this. It hit me like a ton of bricks and it made so much sense of why I just can't
|
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
|