So, here it is, March 30th. I decided to prewrite what I had to say for April because I feel it in my heart that I would have lost my nerve just writing it off the cuff. I must admit that it actually felt really good to get it all out. It's not necessarily the first time I have wrote about it but it's the first time I ever wrote it down in-depth like I did. I also used to write it with such confusion and from a place of self-blame but I stopped beating myself up and I realized that I have to move on from that memory. I don't have tote it around on my shoulder everyday and let it cloud my feelings. I just have to do this. Writing it out is something I have to do for myself. It just so happens that this is my online "diary" and where I feel at peace when it comes to expressing myself. I don't care what anyone says or thinks about it. This is for me as I continue to release negative energy that I have built up over the years and to let go of the shadows of my past. PS-if you don't like what I write then do me, and yourself, a favor and EXIT OUT OF HERE.
I got home to find this thick envelope, on the ground, in front of my apartment door. I already knew what it was but I was still so excited!!! It was my Bachelors degree!!! It felt good to see my name on there and I died inside of such joy for a few seconds. I conceitedly took the picture posted within this blog but I don't know if "conceited" is really the word. I am proud of myself to have gotten to this point and to know that I still have more to go as I plan on getting my Masters and PhD one day. I deserve to brag about my accomplishments without being vain about it. I put in the work and I want to enjoy the rewards. The picture shows my 2 degrees (Associates & Bachelors), President's List awards (I think I have a few more than pictured but I don't know where they are in this moment), and my 2 certificates for the 2 honor societies I am currently a part of. I sent the picture to my dad and he said that he is "still a proud dad, my baby girl is still doing good, always keep
I don't know if anyone has experienced this themselves, or at least have friends that complain about it, but MY friends that are 25 and up have all brought it up and I used to think it was funny and dramatic. So, the quarter century "crisis" is basically like a midlife type of crisis, only it occurs at the age of 25. No, the 25 year olds aren't going out and buying some new sports car or a motorcycle or changing their appearance dramatically, or whatever the hell happens when that takes place, but it's just more about becoming aware that they are only 5 years from 30 and they wonder what they're doing or what they
So, I stopped taking my medication for 2 weeks. It was definitely NOT intentional but I was waiting for my insurance to go through so I could finally order it again. The first time I got my prescription filled, without insurance at the time, it cost close to $200!!!! With a little finagling with an Rx savings card and the pharmacy techs helping out, we got the price down to around $110. That's still a lot but it was at least SOMETHING at the time. Anyways, that's just the background of why I have "skipped" out for 2 weeks. The first week wasn't so bad, it was still in my system, and I felt balanced still. However, as the second week began approaching, I noticed a subtle change in my behavior and mentality but then it became more transparent that I was "reverting" back to my "old" self. My old self wasn't so bad but I just didn't
On days like this, it's so hard to move. I beg my body to get out of bed and to soldier on for the day. I become so withdrawn from the world that I retreat so deeply within myself and I have to find the courage to come back out and try again. I find that I would rather keep everything held within myself because I feel as if I just come off as annoying and burdensome to others. It's either that, or I feel like they think I'm exaggerating my mental pains and they try to generalize it and that actually hurts me even more. I'm not making it up and I'm not seeking attention for it. I just want to be able to talk to someone and receive the same kind of compassion and understanding that I show and give when others come to
I met this girl, Dori, today. She just turned 19 yesterday (also my dad's 63rd birthday!) and she's pretty awesome. I don't really want to get into too much detail about our conversation because I want to get on with my point and I don't really want to put her life story out there. Long story short is that she basically had this dream of wanting to go into a certain career field but after a misfortune of events, she pretty much seems to have given up on that. What she said next is what sets the stage for my blog post today and that is when she said something along the lines of "knowing where she came from and being someone she's not." She basically didn't think she would amount to much because of her past and maybe
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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