If anyone reads my blog, then they'd know that I am on this perpetual journey of self-discovery and I am forever looking inward to learn all I can about myself to help me in my external environment. I think I have moved on now to actively working to find my voice. I blog a lot because I am able to have that space and time to allow myself to carefully plan out what I want to say next and it actually does take me quite some time to actually type these up. It takes me so long because my thoughts are jumping from one thought to the next and it becomes foggy in a sense of me being unable to focus on a single stream of consciousness long enough to sit down and write them out in complete sentences that would be comprehensible to others. I frequently get discouraged with myself when I attempt to express my thoughts and feelings out loud and so I live in this inner world of mine where everything makes sense and I don't have to stress about explaining anything to others. I struggle with figuring out the right words that help to truly capture just what is going on in my mind and how to respond to people. I become jumbled if there's someone talking AT me because my mind is firing in all directions and, with them overpowering me with a loud voice and they are quicker on their feet with their responses, I can't hear myself think and so I shut down and I just get quiet. I hate that about myself because I feel like other people take it as a weakness of mine when I'm not being as swift in my answers to them but really I'm trying sort out the different paths my thoughts are taking as a way to answer the thousands of questions they might be asking. I'm done with that. However, I have definitely been learning to stand my ground about being more vocal to anyone who tries to quiet me, lately. My tone doesn't have to be aggressive and boisterous in order to get my point across but I do require a little bit of patience as I process my replies and convey them orally. I'm so tired of people unleashing themselves onto me and then just move on. NO, I GOT SOME SHIT TO SAY SO NOW HERE WE ARE. I just need others to know that there's more to me than me only being able to pen about how I view the world. I have SO MUCH to say and I don't think anyone is really ready for what I have been bottling up inside and keeping locked away. It's been too long.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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