I can't believe I lost my dog. He was 4 fucking years old! We still had so much time left to have him in our lives! I'm really angry that someone just fucking hit him and left him there like he was nothing, like he didn't have a family that loved him like he deserved. It took me forever to pet him again when I went to see him at the Nebraska Humane Society. I just didn't want to accept it but I had to rub his fur again so he knew that mommy was here. My sister took it so hard. She kept apologizing to him because she was calling out his name that night he went was missing and didn't know if maybe he heard her but couldn't get up to come to her and she wished she would've looked sooner for him. His eyes were open and his ear was bloody, so was his nose. Why they have to leave my baby like that? I kept looking at his eye and it's like he was staring off, as if he had whined out for us but none of us were there to save him from his pain. It hurts my heart and I don't think I can be another mom to another puppy because Gamble was my all. We loved him so much. I keep watching this clip of when my mom and I were celebrating his 2nd birthday in the kitchen. I had ordered him a doggy cake with his name on it and I put 2 candles in it. He hated that his cake was on fire! He kept dancing around/away from it as we sang "Happy Birthday" to him and I blew the candles out and finally he was happy! I was so happy to do that for him. For his 4th birthday, he got in trouble by his Nana for pooping in the house so we didn't celebrate much but I came over and still loved all up on him. What really hurts me is that I can't seem to catch a break from Death. First, my grandma passes, then, 6 months later, my big brother is gunned down and killed, and now my dog has been hit and has been taken abruptly from our lives. Like, WHY? Why must I keep having to grieve over everything and everyone I love? I just can't fucking handle this.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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