When I was younger, well, growing up, I used to feel so empty inside and I couldn't figure out why. I remember I watched MTV's True Life and it was showing something about twins and this major twin parade that was going on. I was so distraught and I told my mom about how I wished I'd had a twin, and low and behold, I apparently did. I also think that I have wrote about this before in my blog but I'm not sure, so here it is yet again! My mom told me that I had a twin at birth but it never fully developed or whatever the case was, I took forever to come out because my twin was holding me up. That confirmed my feelings of emptiness. I was supposed to be a part of something bigger than myself, be connected to some other being and have that bond with them. I never knew the gender of my twin, or even if my mom did either, but I decided to make it a girl in my mind and oh, how I GRIEVED. I mourned over the news about me having a twin that never got to be a part of this life with me. I love my sisters, all of them, but nothing could have ever compared to the bond my twin and I would have had. I tell people I had a twin and they're all like "Two of you??? Oh no!!!" but I don't think of it in that way. It's not "two of me", I'm sure we would have had our own differences and been our own person, just because we look alike doesn't mean we are the same inside. Also, I hate when people say that, like, I'm just such a shitty person and two of me would just be the worst. I know some say it jokingly but it is so irritating nonetheless. I probably would have been a different person, anyways, had I'd grown up with my twin, life would have gone differently, somehow, for me. I still think about it from time to time and I hurt inside. I can't even watch twin-related documentaries because I feel jealous over not being able to have that experience. I guess that's just one more soul I have waiting for me, hopefully, when I die.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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