I actually took the term to learn the definition of my post title and it was the weirdest thing because the word just popped into my mind as seeming to be the right word to explain what I'm blogging about. I say weird because it's not a word I use everyday, hell, I don't use it at all, but it was still the exact word I knew I needed even though I didn't know much about the term. To save the time about what it means, it means "existing briefly, temporary, lasting only a short time," which describes my moods precisely. Besides getting hung up on the word, though, I do feel like I'm starting to get in that space of wanting to self- isolate from a lot of people, even from someone I call my best friend. This isn't another wave of melancholia (awesome word) washing over me, either, but more out of necessity. I have been running from everything for a long time now and I have always been self-aware of what has to be done and what I need to do to secure happiness and stability in all faucets of my life but running was my excuse to put it all on the back burner. I have ALWAYS been a VERY indecisive and flighty person with anything but I am learning to be patient with myself and take my time with answering to something instead of being so torn and doubtful over it being the "right or wrong" choice to make. I don't want to feel that uncertainty and heaviness of second-guessing myself anymore. I used the word, "transient, " to describe the mood I'm in of wanting that temporariness to disconnect from others. I just want to stay in this zone I'm roping myself into and I can feel myself becoming agitated with others because I just don't want to be bothered and to become stagnant like I always do. Sometimes, I feel so embarrassed when I feel like I've taken a step back after making so much progress, but I realize that I will always be working to improve myself and I have to allow those "relapses" as a part of my growth.Also, maybe it's not the best decision to cut off contact with those people but maybe it's a way of telling myself that these people have already done their part in this piece of my life and I have to move on to new things and people for the next part to come to keep evolving.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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