I have always found it funny that we create our own life lessons to be learned. Like, in that moment, we think we are simply enjoying the moment but we look back on that time and we realize just how much of an impact that moment had on us. I think back on a lot of things that I thought were insignificant but ended up being some of the most influential experiences in my life that I needed to learn from. Well, all of this to say that I remember a time that an ex told me to "not to shut off your heart." Ironically, he eventually broke my heart where I definitely needed time to regroup and had to shut off my heart. I think back on that conversation, though, and he was wrong. Sometimes, you have to shut down to protect you yourself. You have to shut down so that you can heal and recover from the world. It's not always a bad thing to shut down your heart because otherwise you would just continue to give love to all the wrong people and end up hurt in the end. This has been the weirdest, saddest couple of weeks I've had in a long time. I just feel so drained and my soul is so tired, if that makes sense. I really had to sit down, by myself, and reevaluate the people in my life and the various situations I've put myself in. Speaking about creating your own lessons and learning from them, I have had to open my eyes and to not be so naïve and blind to a person's actions. That's what hurts me; that I had let my guard down and decided to step out my dark space and give society a try only to be so hurt in the end. I don't place all of the blame on everyone else and their actions because I do blame myself for not listening to that voice in the back of my head or reading into the signs that were right in front of me. I blame myself for not shutting down sooner in order to recharge my energy and heal my soul so I could avoid such heartache. It hurt to walk away from some of the people I thought I wanted in my life, but as much as it hurts NOW, I know that my heart will mend one day and I'll be more aware of I surround myself with so I don't make the same mistake twice.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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