Falling into depression is like tumbling down the rabbit hole. You can see it happening all around you and you feel it within yourself but you keep falling, paralyzed by this Darkness. When I get depressed, I slowly withdraw from people and stay more to myself and I just kind of stare into nothingness as I try to sort out all of these negative, weird thoughts that race around in my mind. I get very forgetful and fuzzy headed and very indecisive, even more than usual. I stay in bed for the majority of the day and I watch Netflix so I can "lose" myself into whatever show I get into to. I take longer showers and turn the music up as I sing at the top of my lungs to drown out the sadness. I get so tired so easily but I can never sleep enough or sleep comfortably. I get overly emotional and sensitive and the smallest of things can set me off. What I want everyone to understand is that it's not something you can just snap out of. You have to work at it and constantly remind yourself to keep fighting because if you drop the ball, even if for a second, then you lost the battle and you have to start from square one to build yourself back up again. It's not as simple as telling yourself "I CAN DO THIS TODAY" and you just kick the day's ass. It's like you have these dark thoughts swirling around in your head and these voices that constantly down you despite you trying your hardest and you give into them and tell yourself that you're not good enough for the world. It's a heartbreaking thing to not like yourself but you're stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. So, you go on, smiling, and try not to let the weight of your own world crush you.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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