I am going to keep this post short and simple because I need to get ready for bed so my slow ass can be up and ready for work in the morning... I keep thinking about how in 2 days it will be one whole year since my grandma, Bay, has left this earth for Heaven. I still very much deeply grieve for her and in 2 days I will be painfully reminded of that day I rushed over to her house to say my final goodbyes, though she had already passed on at that point, my family and I got to see her in her natural state, at home, in her bed. She looked like she was sleeping so peacefully but I knew she would never open her eyes again, yet somehow, I kept secretly hoping that maybe we had all got it wrong and she was going to wake up and cuss us all out for being in her room and be confused as to why we were crying. That moment never came obviously but I still held onto that thought until the funeral home people came and took her away. I miss her so much it hurts. I still can't believe she's gone and I just wish we could all be with her again and still have the chance to make more memories with her. In 2 days, with Facebook having the "On this day" tab of where you see your status' from whatever you shared on that day throughout the years, I will relive that pain of freshly losing my grandmother. I was so distraught after that that I just kind of shut down for a few months. I shut down so hard that my cousin was worried about me. I wish I could see my grandma's face again. I'm still hoping and waiting that she comes to me in a dream one day because I need to tell her I love her again and how much she is so deeply missed by her family. I need to hug her again and kiss her cheeks again. I NEED TO. P.S.- I know I said I would keep this short and to the point, but when it comes to my grandma, my heart and soul just aches for her and I keep writing as my overwhelming emotions just wash over me. Good night readers. I have to really go to bed. I have to be up early and now my soul is in despair again.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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