Before I get on with this post, I wanted to just say that, as a kid, you don't really understand the concept of death. You don't really comprehend where that person went and why they can't come back. I think of adults who tell their kids their pet went to some animal farm or something (whatever lie to cover up that they are no longer alive) happy rather than break their little hearts. I mean, not every parent is like that but I just think back, when I was younger, I didn't know much about death. I didn't/couldn't fathom that, one day, my parents would someday get older and have to leave this earth. I just assumed we would all live forever, even though I was getting older, they were also growing older still... So, today was the year mark of my grandma having passed on. I thought it would be such a hard day, filled with deep sorrow and a grief that would grow from my soul... but it wasn't. I started off my morning by seeing a red cardinal fly by. I just happened to look out the window and I seen this flash of red fly by. The funny thing is was that snow was falling, it had been snowing all morning, and there were no other birds around. A little background: my family believes that red cardinals are good luck so you can see why this was so important to me. I did have a mini breakdown before heading to work because I watched this video I had made of her from last year, but as the day went on, I still felt in high spirits. I was filing papers away, at work, when Dre (another worker) starts singing "Happy Birthday" to himself so I ask him if it was really his birthday. It was, OF COURSE IT WAS! His birthday could have been any other day but I believe in "little" coincidences like that. I wanted to grieve for my grandma today but here is this man who is celebrating his life. Does that make sense? I believe the saying "when one spirit leaves the world, another one enters (birth of a baby)." Although Dre is clearly not a baby, he was almost like a reminder to me, from my grandma, that life does go on. I didn't have time to be sad because here she was, sending me so many subtle signs that let me know that everything is okay and I am grateful for it. I miss her with everything within me but I know that we will see each other again, even if it can't be now. I heard this from Big Sean's song and I think it's definitely fitting: "When I die, I hope you teach me how to fly. All my life, you been a angel in disguise." Thank you, grandma.
1 Comment
Scorpio
2/9/2017 12:12:08 am
Wow this is really inspiring i feel how much you love your family in general is like i know how you feel i lost my grandma 3 years ago and it feels like it was yesterday
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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