The more I discover and learn about myself, the more empowered I feel. I started this blog feeling so down and without direction of where to go or how to start life from that moment on. I look back at those first couple of posts and I feel that hurt I was in. I remember the hurting in my heart and soul because I was in such a dark place within my own mind; there seemed to be this everlasting storm coming down on me and I gave up on fighting for the sunshine. I still have "relapses" where I want to give up and regress to my old ways to that hopeless space but I'm learning to fight past that. I have actively taken plenty of steps to redirect myself for where I want to go. People used to tell me that they "saw the potential in me" and that, one day, I would see it too. I didn't know what the hell that was supposed to mean but I was too stubborn and filled with such self-doubt to take any kind of heed to it. I learned, however, that they were right, again. I had been at a standstill and battling this storm I felt in the depths of my soul that I limited myself and my abilities. I have realized that I DO have this great potential that I am starting to tap into to take me far in the world. There is so much more to me than I thought and I don't need to hide it from myself or anyone else anymore. I don't WANT to hide it anymore. People used to also tell me that "not everyone deserved all of the pieces of me" and it's okay to "not open myself up to everyone I encounter" by having all of these deep, intimate kinds of discussions. I thought "who are they to put me in a fucking box and diminish my light?" Now, I see. I'm starting to grasp the concept of having a subtlety about myself and being selective in who I want in my circle. They were right that I was too accessible and vulnerable to the world and having such exposure is a really draining and non self-fulfilling kind of feeling to have. No, I'm not going to "quiet" down my personality because I do love the me that is free-spirited, charismatic, yet rebellious, type of style about myself. I love the flighty and love filled parts of me but that is why I have to choose wisely so I can protect my energies from unwanted intruders so that I can continue to thrive. I learned that it's okay to have secrets to myself, about myself. I need to have some things as my own to help inspire and guide me. I don't want to be that "ditzy, goofball" girl anymore; I want to be that "sophisticated, kick-ass, self-confident" woman that I know I can be and WILL be. Furthermore, I have always loved that I live with such wild abandon, although others might see it as downfall, I see it as motivation that will help push me forward in all my endeavors. There's nothing wrong with letting some of your inhibitions go and running rampant, even if for a moment. I'm keeping that trait about myself and I'm unapologetic for it. We need that outlet to be able to discover another part of our true selves that we might otherwise hide from other individuals. My wild abandon and my modern-day-hippy outlook on life give me the zest I need to succeed. I am empowered and I will see this through.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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