You ever feel like your trapped in this bad dream or like life is playing a really bad joke on you and you just don't get it? That's how I have been feeling, sort of like I'm in a weird daze as I walk about in life. It's like one minute everything is clear and I'm like "Okay, this is it, this is what I need to do" and then it's like my moment of clarity disappears before I can even make any sense of it. I hate that. It's hard to balance reality and your daydreams when you're quickly teetering back and forth. I try to get through each day that I can and just make it through that. It is all about little steps and pushing on until there is nothing left. My mind is kind of scatter brained so I hope it all makes sense in the end... In life, we have to make choices and they will be choices that we have to make for ourselves. It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes and I am so guilty of it. Lately, I just feel as if it is time for me to stand up and do what is right for ME. I am tired of feeling as if I am living in someone else's shadow and that I can't make any decisions for myself because it might not agree with the masses. I need to know that I can make a decision and stick with it and deal with whatever happens from there. It hurts so bad to be trapped within your own mind and you feel stuck and no one can help you out of it because you're in your own mental prison built specifically by you for you and then your trapped. I know I might be getting off subject or maybe I am blending this completely wrong but I get so wrapped up that I forget where I am or what to do. I get this urge to just end it all and I have thought about it, almost thoroughly but I come to my senses and I know that it really isn't that simple and I guess suicide isn't the answer. I am still working on myself and I will continue to grow as I make countless mistakes but those will be my life lessons and I will be a better person in the end because of it, I hope. I thought I would get this off my chest because I haven't written anything in a long time and there is so much on my mind, I couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. Well, it is 5:27 AM in California which is where I am blogging from...been up for two days, and can't sleep. Good night or good morning to everyone else.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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