So, this guy I know, reminded me of this blog post I am supposed to be writing in April and then I would post it here for the world to see (read) what the "big secret" is. I had forgot all about that, actually. I know I don't have to share this piece of information if I really DON'T WANT to but I feel as if I have been somewhat "fearless" with most of the things I discuss on here so this might not be so bad... The guy said something along the lines of "waiting for April to read about the surprise" and I told him it's not exactly a "happy" kind of surprise. I would call it more of a "sad reveal" or something like that. I don't know how others will react, maybe shocked, maybe not at all, maybe they'll just read it and won't think twice about it. I don't really care. What's important is that I find the courage to type up my story about what it is I want (need) to say. I was bold enough to talk about my abusive relationships from the past and I believe that I can do this... I actually think a lot of people will find it relatable and I want those people to know that it's okay. Everything will all make sense when April rolls around but I do still have this huge anxiety wave that washes over me anytime I think about what the topic is but it's been 4 years (sometime in April will actually mark 4 exact years, just not sure of the precise date) and I think I am finally ready to really talk about it. Who knew there could be this much stress over something that occurred in your life so long ago that you fought hard to work past? I tried to bury it in the back of my mind but somehow the thought just creeps up on me, without any warning, at the most random of times. Then, I find myself reflecting back on it and I just aspire to one day bury it deep enough in the background of my thoughts to where I won't remember it anymore and I try to forget it about for that moment. Even as I write this post, in this very moment, the memory is there, burning itself into the forefront of my brain. So much pain, so much shame, so much confusion...
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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