I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old and I was in the 8th grade. Yes, I was young and you're probably sitting on your side of the computer screen, judging me, but I don't care because this is my story. If you don't like it, get off my page. Anyways... It was to an older guy, he was 18. Horrible, I know, but I guess I was trying to prove to myself I was ready? I don't know what was going through my head exactly. I had this "best friend" and her name was Katelin Price, I will never forget. I was so excited to be having this "wonderful sex life" of mine and I would go to class and tell her all about how great the sex was and how I was so stupidly "in love." I thought I was on top of the world. Off script for a second, most parents tell their daughters that boys should be the least of their problems and to focus on school, boys will come later. My mom told me that but that never stopped me from being the hot tail that I was but I applaud myself at the same with juggling my secret life. I never let boys and "relationships" and sex get in the way of my education. I continued to make straight A's all thru until I graduated high school. Not once did I let boys or girls interfere with my education. *Fist bumps self, pats self on back* I did good...but I don't recommend or encourage any young girl to try that because if my daughter tried to pull that shit, whew, she is in for a world full of hurt... Back to the original post... My world came crashing down. I remember how it felt like everyone in the whole school knew what I was doing and I just felt so dirty and shameful. Katelin had told someone and it spread like a wildfire from there, I guess. My friend Shontell is the one who told me that Katelin had told her and others. I cried for 2 days straight and I didn't go to school those 2 days either. When I did go back I felt like everyone looked at me, all eyes were on me, and not in a glamorous way. It was then that I never really held my head up anymore. I walked the hallways with my head down and I could never find the strength to look anyone in the eye. My friends tried to comfort me but I felt like I was out of my mind. I just wanted to hide in a hole. I became an "emo" and I wore black and other dark colors and I wore my hair in my face. I barely smiled. I was always so sad and withdrawn from everyone, I was miserable. I know I shouldn't have let that incident influence me in the way it did but I was a teenager, experiencing many firsts in a quick amount of time, what did I know??? It felt like the longest year, I couldn't wait for high school.... Are you ready for my "new-beginning-success" story now? Once I started high school, I became a cheerleader. I felt like I needed to shed my horrible perception of myself and how I assumed others to perceive me. What else could be the total opposite of an "emo"? Not only did I become a cheerleader but I was made to be captain of the freshmen cheer squad. I felt like I was brand new. I'm not saying all of my problems melted away just because I threw on a uniform and waved some pom-pom's around but my self-esteem wasn't as shot as it once was. I knew I couldn't carry whatever I was lugging around forever. I don't know why I was so scared for people to know I was having sex. Sex is natural and it's a part of life but I just didn't know how to handle these issues back then. If I only I knew then what I know now...
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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