I have been feeling a little nostalgic lately. I shouldn't but I keep thinking about how everything used to be with people that have been in my life. I remember being foolishly in love with Dominique and so reckless with my love in general. I have always hated that about myself; I love too easily and way too hard. I can't exactly say why I am bringing this up at the moment but I jut can't help but THINK about it all before. I would do anything for anybody and it still was never enough, I was never good enough for anybody. I used to try to make everyone feel the way I felt but I couldn't. I used sex as my way to feel "something". I needed to feel wanted and I wanted the emptiness I felt inside me to go away. I don't know how or at least I don't remember how that all started but it started something in me that I could never turn off. I cried everyday and I felt this pain deep down in my stomach. It's still there, I can feel and I don't know how to stop it. What I have learned is nothing. I felt as if I haven't grown. I might be cautious in some instances but I still don't know how to shield my heart of heart break or how to tell myself when to stop in love. I just don't want to feel so empty. I want to be happy, really happy and feel that happiness deep down to take that emptiness away. I think and I think I feel like I have no purpose sometimes. I cry all the time lately and I have been so stressed that my digestive system is too upset with me to enjoy food comfortably. I feel like how I used to feel; stomach pains, headache, irritability, and so much more. I have to relax I know but I have to make some changes first...
1 Comment
rita
10/7/2014 03:46:48 am
I'm always here for you
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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