You ever miss certain aspects of your younger, former self? I miss things about me from before, when I was a teenager. I mean, I'm glad that there are things I have changed about myself and I changed them for the better but I miss other things about me. I used to be this carefree, sexual, adventurous being and I thought I had the world at my fingertips. Then, one day it was just gone away from me, without my consent. I didn't even realize this until up until this moment, just how much I have changed. I would like to say I am still the same person but that would be a bold face lie. Life changes you, you go through things and you come out as something you weren't before. I'm getting off the subject, though. I used to be so enticing, so much of a risk taker, so everything that I'm not. Maybe I'm not that way because I am older and have responsibilities but I am not even that old and I wish I could experience those feelings within myself again. You're probably thinking well why don't I just do it and stop complaining about it. It's not that easy, it's not, I'm sorry. I can't just reawaken something like that, not even sure how I would do it. Anyways, lately, I haven't been feeling sexy, or beautiful, or whatever. For a few months I have felt this emptiness about me and maybe that's why I miss those pieces of me. When did I become this girl/woman (whatever) that I am now? I can get told I'm beautiful everyday by everyone and it doesn't do a thing for me. I don't feel it for myself and there's no magic about it. I woke up and all of a sudden, I didn't recognize myself anymore. I have never been one to have the highest opinion on myself anyways, but the one spark of loveliness I thought about myself was just gone. I miss those feelings of what was running through my mind and body from before. It was invigorating and refreshing and I didn't always have a good view of myself all the time, but when that high would come over me of this sense of self- pride, then it was good and it was right. I don't know, maybe I'm just rambling but hopefully, I will find that former version of myself but this time, I'll hold onto it tightly and I will be even a step up from the former, I'll be the 2.0 version.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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