As a partner,( or as myself in general) I've always went by the notion of my mom saying, "You go digging for dirt, you're going to find it," and then I added onto it, in later years, with "and that's how you hurt your own feelings." I have never been the type to pry and spy on the person I'm with, as in I don't go snooping through their phone, social media, or their things overall. I've tried to "spy" once before and look at their messages but it just made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to even engage in the act so that will never be me to be the type. However, I am a very inquisitive person and, sometimes, I can be the "pressing" type and ask too many questions when I feel concerned about my partner and THAT'S where I've realized I fuck up. If there seems to be something wrong with my partner, I might press and ask questions to get a better understanding of what's going on, and that's okay to an extent. The issue, with me doing that, is that I might become too invasive when I need to give them their space to be in their own head for a bit and let them sort their thoughts out first. I definitely am the type to sit around (for AWHILE) with thinking deeply to myself before opening up about them, if I ever decide to open up about some, and I'm not being fair by trying to "force" those thoughts out of them before they're ready. To connect everything, though, I might not go through a partner's things but by pressing too much, I eventually fall into the category of "digging" and, sometimes, I do hurt my own feelings like that because I might not always be prepared for what they have to say, and that's what I get for asking. It's also somehow more painful, I've found, to hear something voiced rather than to have stumbled across something, to me at least. When something is spoken, it becomes real in the world, like, true in a sense, because it bypassed your mind, flew out your mouth and has now been heard by another person. It's not always negative necessarily about what my partner has to say but it's that unexpectedness, I guess, and I really need to have more self-control to leave them be and process their thoughts alone so there's no miscommunication should there be an actual discussion that follows.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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