This is not to alarm anyone (at least, not at this moment) but I am still reading through my journals, it is 3:27 AM and I think I came across my suicide letter, one of them at least. I have honestly written about 7 of them. What even sparked me to write one was that if I committed suicide, I wanted to have my final words be, well.. final. I didn't want to leave "holes" to my death and nobody know or understand why. I have already prolonged this enough. Here it is: To My Family,
I'm sorry I never told you about my problems or any issues that I was dealing with, whether they were past or present. I just preferred to be my own private, personal wreck. I thought I was strong enough to handle anything that came my way, I was too invincible to be knocked down, but I'm not. I need help, I don't think I can do it alone. I've tried to do it by myself and it just felt like it was never enough, like somehow I made things worse, unintentionally. For years I had cried out for help and to be rescued by somebody, anybody, but no one really took the time to listen. No one could've known the severity or predicted that I'd end up being the way I am; so discouraged and broken. Do you know I barely hold my head up? I am constantly looking down because sometimes I feel too ashamed to look a person in their eyes. I might put on a front that I'm confident and built to move past any obstacles placed in my way, but I'm so tired of the constant battle I put myself through. I might be physically fine but mentally I am shot. I am falling apart and I don't know how to stop it. I cry myself to sleep most nights because I feel like I'm losing it and I just want my heart and mind to stop hurting. Of course no one really knows this because I have my own private Hell when the lights go down and everything is turned off, the room is completely dark. I just lay there, wishing for my life to be over. I never wanted to tell anybody that because I didn't want to give them any extra stress or be a burden with my problems. I'm sorry if this letter has given you great concern. I am trying to get the help I need so I can finally be mentally healthy, better than ever. Sincerely, Patient #4543060
1 Comment
Rodney
10/28/2014 11:44:22 pm
Bre, you need to build your support system. And remember you Parents are your best friends! I am sure they would like to hear your problems before receiving a phone call from the police letting them know your dead.....Choose your friends to support you and you support them, that's why my son-in-law and I have hung so tight for over 20 years. Protect your happiness!!!! Call me anytime my friend.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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