I must admit that I am proud of myself, for the most part, and of the person I am today. I have made so many mistakes, so, so many mistakes and I had dug myself into a hole of depression that I never thought I could crawl out of. I used to try to hide from life, afraid to live because I thought I was too bad of a person to deserve a chance at it. I didn't even want to live. Everyday I woke up, angry that God had let me live when all I kept hoping was that something would go wrong in my sleep, and that would be the end of me. I became reckless and I tried to put myself in harm's way, anything that would take whatever pain I felt within myself away. I will say that on my worst days I still want to revert back to my old habits and go live back into that hole. I want to be destructive and lead my own self down the path of wrong. It sounds crazy but I honestly think that way sometimes. Although I often find myself jumping off of a cliff into a sea of despair, I still feel as if I have grown into something bigger and better than before and I want to take it as far as I can go. I'm young, I can reinvent myself as many times as I see fit. I feel so much more confident in myself now. Like, I can breathe a little easier. By the way, sorry if this post is all over the place, my mind has so many different thoughts, whirling all around that I can't concentrate and I am trying to write as best as I can... I think it is funny how the things I got teased about when I was younger turned out to be the best attributes of myself now that I am a little older. My beauty mark and my teeth had always given me grief and I wanted to cut the mole off and get braces or file my teeth down. Now, everyone says I have a beautiful smile and all the girls wish they had a beauty mark there, and they got the "Monroe" piercing or they draw one in, but mines is original and still awesome. I'm done with this post, sorry readers. I am just not focused enough for this at the current moment!
1 Comment
John
6/8/2014 12:06:49 am
This in no way was a rant of thoughts but the beginnings of a beautiful collage of reflective transformative self truths. Sometimes the best flow is the one that's not constructed. Beautiful... stay strong in your truth!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
|