The last post I wrote wasn't meant to bash my husband, but it served to be my own eye opener and realize that I was trapped in the early stages of grief. I needed to get those things off my chest and start my own healing because I have to do that for myself. For a little over a year now, I felt like I had to hide everything about my life and keep living this double life because, I don't know, maybe I liked pretending there were "secrets" about me, even though I'm more terribly transparent than I'd like to admit. My boyfriend is the one who encourages me to be more "truthful" and my last blog was a great step towards that. I'm ready to live an unapologetic lifestyle and finally feel free enough to be happy because I'm deserving of that happiness. The truth is, I have been struggling, but not in the way that's being painted. If you have NEVER moved across the country to START OVER than you can't possibly know how HARD that is. It was hard to find my footing here, in FL, and I'm STILL trying to find my niche, but I'm thankful for this. I might not have it all but I'll patiently get there and enjoy all that comes with this experience. I NEVER thought I'd have the "balls" to make such a move but I've DONE IT, I'm DOING IT. It's taken a toll on me on all levels (emotionally, physically, & mentally, definitely FINANCIALLY) and with me being in the midst of another major life event (separation, divorce), I'm not feeling at my best always but I'm HERE and I appreciate my boyfriend for being there the best he can through it all. I don't always show him how grateful I am for him because I selfishly get so caught up in my own shit, but he is amazing and if you're reading this, I LOVE YOU, MY DEAR. THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME THROUGH THIS SHIT STORM. This post isn't also meant to just be some "letter of appreciation" to him, either, but he has helped me in so many ways and I thank God for him because I was beginning to lose parts of myself and he helped me out of such a dark space that I was ready to lose myself into. I'm just doing the best I can with what I've got and gaining things a long the way to help me get further than where I've been and where I'm at. If you have been a reader of my blog then you know my posts typically come from places of despair and fleeting moments of hope but THIS is REAL. If I'm going to do better than I have to know better and I love to use my blog as my space to grow and evidence of that growth. I love you, all.
1 Comment
S T O N E
12/27/2018 05:45:28 pm
Truth is freedom,and I am seeing this
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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