I wrote a post on Facebook today about how thankful I was for the changes that have been occurring and have occurred in my life, even with this past year of grieving and other serious dilemmas that transpired. The post read "lost some weight, got a new job, got on the right medication, finishing up my Bachelor's in 2 weeks, becoming more self-aware, and so much more. I didn't have much hope for this year but 2016 was so hard on my family that I just knew something had to give & strength would be our necessity & I'm just thankful for the changes." It was received with a lot of praise from people telling me they were proud of me and to keep up the good work. One woman (family friend) even told me she had been praying for me and was happy for my breakthrough. That felt good to hear (well, read). I think about how all of these changes just seemed to be occurring so slowly. Change is a natural process and we change whether we realize it or not and no matter how hard we might try to go against it; it's inevitable. I look back on when I became mindful of my drinking and how I had cut back due to my ulcers but then I realized I needed that change for myself and my body, not just because of my condition (H. Pylori) and because it physically hurts, but because it gave me that push to stop drinking like I was and to allow my kidneys/liver to rest. I had also stopped going out so much (this change actually came first before the reduction of drinking). I was becoming too much of a party girl/wild child and was living party to party. I became more peaceful after that and not so involved with the club scene. I'm not saying I haven't had bumps along the way because I have definitely had some MAJOR fuck ups happen due to my own actions in between there, but every day, at least week to week, I strive to bring about positive change in some way. I don't always succeed in this and sometimes I probably go about it in the wrong way to make that change happen. However, I try to take those "setbacks" in stride and realize that things have to come with time and on their own, without human interference. I hope I can feel this way for awhile. I don't want to be down anymore. Oh yeah, quote that I love that I found on the internet: "When she was down, she was VERY, VERY DOWN , but when she was high, SHE COULD FLY." This is perfect.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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