It always feels like when one thing happens in life, everything else seems to tumble down right along with it. It's so frustrating because you think that one thing will be enough to satisfy Life's demands for the month, but then Life comes around and shits on you again until you're feeling beaten down. It's like nothing can ever go right for too long because the earth will be off balance, there just has to be SOMETHING wrong. If it's not one thing, it's another kind of thing. For the past 2 months, that's exactly how I've been feeling. I lost my grandma, and naturally, it seems that my world would fall to shambles, and oh did it. A piece of my heart was ripped out of my chest and there is no coming back from that type of pain but to add all the other stresses of my life to it and it doesn't make it any easier. My husband has been trying to be a great support to me but I know he has his own shit to deal with, plus, he feels like he's failing at times because I've just been so shut off and withdrawn from the world since her passing. I am just grieving and my heart is hurting so badly that I don't know what to do with myself half the time and I wish people would understand that. I don't even know if I'll be able to ever handle another death in the family like that again when it does happen, but that's besides the point. Death was definitely the start to the crumbling of my already crumbled life and it kept going from there. I realize that I don't really care for anyone friend-wise anymore. People come into your life and they go, but family is forever, and although I've always known that, it is definitely more true than it has ever been. Here comes that "if it's not one thing, it's another thing" part. I'm not going to get too much into it because guess what, it's my birthday! Not that Life gives a damn but today, I am going to get pretty, drink, be merry, and save my problems for another day. I love you, Grandma Bay. Please continue to watch over your little rays of sunshine.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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