I feel like I've been on "pause" ever since the summer of 2017. I fell into this depression after being laid off from my job and I spent my days painting and trying to tune out the world. I detached myself from my "friends" because I forced myself to be real about certain situations and not keep pretending that it was what I had built it up to be. I gradually faded away from everything and everyone... I basically cut off my social media and my blog site and I was just. I started my job in October and that helped me want to "break free" of myself and get back on track with my personal goals. I have been failing these past few weeks, I feel, and it does have me a little discouraged but I know that I have to keep pressing on for myself. I've been writing in my gratitude journal, that I had created back in January, and I don't write in it daily (though I really should get into that habit) but it's been something I use as a visual reminder that I can only do this for me and I have to appreciate the small things. At my job, the clients that I've interacted with, and have gotten to know over the past few months, really have been so amazing as being one of my motivations, too. I love interacting with them when I get the brief chance because they're so cooperative and pleasant with me and they don't make me feel "incompetent" in my role. I haven't had the best last few days, especially, but in journaling the daily emotions and behaviors I want to work towards and that I am wanting to experience, I am slowly "recovering" and I actively engage in mindfulness so that I am acknowledging my feelings but seriously trying not to dwell on them by knowing that time does help heal some. I've been struggling to write this for like 5 hours now because I haven't slept still since I got off this morning so I'm not sure how this will read out in the end but close enough... Goodnight, darlings. I have to pass out now because I am way to exhausted and I already don't feel too well.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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