I have been talking a lot to one of my late brother's friends. I ran into him about 2 weeks ago and it was the first time I had seen him since my brother's viewing/funeral since last year. We talked about how our lives have been recently and all of the typical conversations that follows that you have with people after having seen them again after time has passed. However, once that was over, I finally asked the question that I've been wanting to really ask someone that knew my brother... I asked him what he (my brother) had been like. I know that as his sister, I should have already known more about him, but we were distant in our sibling relationship and I've always regretted not seeing him enough or spending time with him like a little sister and big brother should. His friend did tell me a few things that helped to put me at ease but also filled me with more grief than I was prepared for. I explained to him that I had never really seen my brother around and the last, full memory I have with him was when he took me and my nephew out on our birthdays when I was 18. His reply back to that was "For you guys to have been so distant, you guys were SO MUCH ALIKE!" A part of me kind of figured as much because, of all my biological siblings, me and him were definitely more alike than the others, which you thought we would be closer based off that alone, which is also what he said! The conversation basically went on about how, even though my brother and I were distant, he still kept tabs on me as my big brother. He described me to his friend to a tee, despite me having seen much of him over the years. It was actually amazing to hear that he buzzed about me so much. His friend told me that he thought I was his only sibling because he talked about me so much in this positive light... I couldn't believe what I was hearing... It was easy for my mind to pretend that my brother was still alive because I was so used to not seeing him around the city so it was easy for me to think that there would still be a chance I would run into him again, on the street or somewhere. Now, even though it was never an actual possibility to begin with, I know that that "chance" is gone forever. My brother was so awesome and he kept up on me when I had never even made the slightest effort to keep in touch with him... I wish I never asked him that question. I just feel terrible... I was his baby sister and I just wish we could have hung out as adults and had a better sibling bond than we did... I shouldn't have fucking asked that question.
1 Comment
Stone
10/1/2018 02:27:54 am
Your brother is with you everyday here.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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