Hello, readers! I have once again gone AWOL on my site and I apologize for any devoted readers I hope I have out there... In other news, sometimes it amazes me how pessimistic I can be. I like to think that I have this bright and shining outlook for life on a daily basis but I don't. I think what gets people is the fact that I say such dreary things with such cheer in my voice (my friend pointed this out to me). This might sound crazy but I actually think it is much easier to just be depressed. Everyday when I wake up feeling hopeless, it is too easy walking around angry at the world. Don't ask me why I am so angry at the world, that is just an overview of my emotions generally. Also, I read this fact that says it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. I'm thinking to myself, "How could that be?". It is exhausting smiling all day, meanwhile me and my frowny face feel quite relaxed. I guess I send mixed signals, however. Anyone that knows me or have been around me know I keep a smile on my face and never believe I was once severely depressed. I guess I am just one big contradiction to myself, if that is the word you would use. Sneak peek into my world inside my head: (hint: it's not leaping unicorns and rainbows with tiny leprechauns at the end of them). I used to imagine my happy place being me running through some meadow with the sun beaming down on me for some reason, or maybe I seen it in a movie. That was weird because I don't even like the outdoors when the sun is shining, I prefer it to be dark and ominous, also, I am pretty sure I would get tore up from all kinds of bugs and my allergies if I were to be in some tall ass meadow somewhere. No, it is storming with tons of thunder and lightening in my "happy" place. I am the only person left there, wandering, sometimes crying in the middle of it all, lonely. That's where I retreat to when some bullshit happens in reality.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
|