Early in the morning on Feb 8th, my grandma passed away. It was peaceful and in her home, just the way she wanted. We all knew it was coming and she kept saying she was tired, but still, nothing can ever prepare anyone for death. It was about 4 something, almost 5 in the morning, and my sister texted me saying she had passed and to call mom. As soon as I was getting ready to call her, she was calling me and told me the news. All I could say was "WHY?". I went over there to see my baby one last time and my heart sunk. It felt like I had been punched in the stomach and my soul was being played with. I know she was already gone but I just kept kissing her cheek and holding her hand. I realized we had the same hands, same freckles, and that made me hurt even more. I kept rubbing her shoulder and telling her to just please come back and that I loved her. I stayed by her bedside for about 2 hours before I decided to finally go across the street to my cousin's house to get some coffee. It felt so surreal to just see her there. We kept her bundled up in her thousands of blankets on the bed because that's how she liked it and we wanted her comfortable, that's why it broke my heart when they had to come and take her away in the body bag. I cried all day and my eyes still burn from crying so hard and so much. I love my grandma and I knew that day would come but I thought she would be invincible forever, somehow. She won her battles over breast, lung, and colon cancer and she will always be my hero for being so strong. I wish I could hear her voice again and give her kisses but I know one day we will be reunited. I wonder if her sisters were waiting for her to walk with her to Heaven. I never met my 2 great aunts, they died way before I was born, but she told my mom and my aunts that one of them had visited her and told her she would come back to see her (my grandma). I was really sad and a little upset at first because I thought my grandma was too busy enjoying her newfound freedom in Heaven with all of our deceased relatives and forgot about us back here on earth, but I know she will always be around in spirit and she will forever be our guardian angel above. Plus, I want her to have fun up there and do all the things she couldn't do while she was here on earth. I love you, Grandma Bay. Thank you for helping to shape me into the woman I am becoming.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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