You ever just feel too sad to sleep? Like, you know that you could easily drift off into your dreams and maybe you'll feel better there but you can't even get to that point because you just feel this overwhelming sense of such sadness and so you just kind of lay there. You lay there and your thoughts start taking you to these deep, dark corners of your mind that you try to escape from but you can't. You find the depths of these dark corners kind of comforting and so you stay stuck in those thoughts. It just starts to feel like all of these negative feelings start overcrowding your mind and you don't even know how they got there. They're like unwanted guests that crashed a party and spiked the punch, polluting everyone's good time. I feel like that a lot, and then I don't know where to go from there. I'll cry and cry and then that's it... Who do I cry to? What can make it better? Why can't I just stop this sadness? I just don't know sometimes. I don't even feel comfortable talking to my "friends" or even my spouse about these feelings because then I feel even worse about myself, like I'm burdening them with my problems when they have their own shit to work through. So, I just feel alone and trapped within my own mind. I just lie here with tears welling in my eyes and hoping that these feelings will pass...because they do... but then they always come back full force. They ALWAYS come back... well, that's nice.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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