Oh my gosh! I haven't blogged in a month! I have been so busy with trying to catch up on assignments in class that I haven't had the time to write on the site. I'm here now... Lately, well for the past 2 days, I've been having these really weird, vivid dreams. I still haven't decoded the first one but the second one I think was pretty clear after I sat and thought about it... In the dream, I was at my grandparents' daycare but it wasn't a daycare. Instead, it was like a look into my life. There were all these different rooms and in them were different stages of me but it started with my parents, well actually with my mom. Only in the dream, my parents weren't my parents that I have in real life, I don't know who they were but in my dream they were mine. In the first room was just my "mom", in the second was her and my "dad" and they were just holding onto each other, in this beautiful, loving embrace. The third room was them holding my mom's tummy, she had just found out she was pregnant with me, I guess, and they just smiled, looking down at her tummy at was to become me. In the fourth room she was giving birth to me. I know I'm rambling on about what was in these rooms but I promise I am getting to the point without trying to bore you. After that room, was my mom and me in the hospital and I was about a few days old. I walked into this room and picked myself up as a baby and I didn't look like me, but like my "mom". It was weird and then it got even more weird, my real mom from my real life was in this room, telling my dream that we should leave soon because the hospital would bill her and it'd be really expensive. This part was the fucking weirdest...my dream mom told my real mom that we didn't have to worry because Jay-Z and Beyoncé were my god parents or something. That threw me off a little, even within the dream I thought it was fucking weird. Still... In the last room finally was "me" as a 3 year old, I still wasn't me and how I actually looked at that age but hey, this is a dream. Whoever this little girl was, though, she was so beautiful and had the cutest curly hair... But I had to organize these pictures and it was weird because I had to put them in order and these obituaries were in this order. I remember my brother's best friend, Kuis, and his obituary but then there was this girl that I know and hers was in there and I don't know why because she's still alive, but that's beside the point and not my business. I finally looked like myself in these pictures, too. At the end of the pictures was me. It was really nice photography and I looked flawless and it was just up close photos of me but, that was the end. I walked out of that room and back to the very first where my dream mom was alone. I told her I was her daughter and she was so happy. She talked about me as if she had already known me but hadn't found out about me until rooms later...that's not the point. The point is she told me she believed in me and that she knew I would be a great, young woman. She had so many hopes and dreams for me and she was proud of me. Although I am still not sure who my dream mom is in real life, it doesn't matter. The message she gave me felt real and was just the push I needed for myself in life. I thought I was failing myself for some reason, like I wasn't enough but hearing that made me feel good inside, after I woke up thinking I was adopted and angry at my real mom.. That isn't the case though! My mom is my real mom, that is all. Good night lovelies.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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