I’ve been feeling so down lately. It doesn’t feel like there’s really a reason as to why, but I also know that there’s many reasons as to why at the same time. Most of it stems from me feeling this disconnection from everyone and also feeling like I’ve been going about my days in this gray fog. That last part mostly comes from the fact that I work overnights and sleep most of the days away. With saying that, though, it’s not hard to see why I feel that disconnect with everyone when I’m sleep while most of them are awake, but that’s still not even it. The sadness comes from me trying to decipher if the communication fell off because I was the sole one making that happen and they just interacted because I made that first move or if it’s because of the conflicting schedules. I try to tell myself it’s because of the latter because I know I can overanalyze a simple situation for no reason and overreact based off those irrationalities so I try to hold onto that piece. However, I still feel kind of forgotten. I also can’t make this one sided because I know I haven’t been putting forth much effort, either. I'm just trying to adjust to everything new that's coming to me and to the things I've decided to stop being blind to. I guess it's not too much the emotion of sadness as it is one of those realizations where I find myself living in the actual world of adulting because I can't always expect others to be around while we either work or are off doing our own thing. It's also the fact of coming to terms with truly understanding that some friends might only want you for what you can do for them. Then, that turns into a situation of them just being "friends" and not actual people that see you for you. I've also been dealing with that kind of situation with someone I thought I was good friends with but I try not to really dwell on that situation, though, as I had already started to see it slowly happening these last few months and I've already given it more energy than I ever wanted. Well, I'm done with this rant. Goodnight, darlings.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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