It has been forever since I last blogged and I feel so horrible about it. I love writing and expressing myself but there has been so much going on that I haven't had the time to actually sit down and blog, that, and I had to restart my laptop and I kind of just left it there for awhile after that. Well, I feel as if I always have these great ideas that I really want to write about but then when I get ready to type then it just all goes away... I guess I can try to wing it on this one... I wonder how I am perceived by others. Like, I wish I could hang out with myself and just really get a sense of how I am on a daily basis. I think it would be interesting to talk with myself and just feel like how other people might feel when they are around me. I mean, I think I'm awesome but that's just me, I probably get on a lot of people's nerves with certain aspects about myself, but that's okay. I used to stress out about how the world viewed me and I would be so depressed because I wasn't that great of a person when I was in that "pre-teen" and teen stage. That's how I seen it at least. I was always down and out about myself because I didn't think anyone could love me for the person I was underneath what was on the outside and my decisions I was making. I didn't ever think I could get out of that fog and learn to love myself, but I did, well I'm still working on it. There are some days where I wish I could get a big DO OVER and just try again with some things but then where would I be now? So many what-ifs and questions but I will never know because one choice led to another and another and here I am today. I am more than my past and it took me awhile to believe that within myself. I know you might have read some of my poems and you can see how morbid and dark I can be and I did write those from dark places in my life but I know I have to keep my head up and move forward because, well, that's all I can do. The future is still new and I have to know what is in store for me because if I can make it out of the deep, dark hole I buried myself in, by myself (and with guidance from others), then I know I can only go up from here. Remember these words: "I will not give up, no matter how hard it might get, I have to push forward." Good night readers, I love you.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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