After about 2 weeks of sulking and deep thinking, I'm over it. I had "shut down" to recover from the bullshit that had managed to surround me and now I feel much better. What I learned, from my own self, is that I don't have to always completely cut people out of my life. When I say that, I mean, nobody is perfect and I can't let one bad apple influence my interactions with others. However, the lesson I learned was that, with some people, once you recognize the not so good qualities in them, you can still have them around but at a bit of a distance. I truly love my own company and the beautiful silence it brings, plus I get way too anxious when people want to hang out. It's stressful because I am very non-punctual, overly sensitive, and temperamental (look that up) kind of person, which I like to people know upfront, hoping that they would think twice before ever bringing out of my cocoon I call home. Nevertheless, that tactic has never worked. It's not really a tactic because it's the truth but still. I don't know if they take it as a challenge but they always manage to call me and want to hang out even after I've told them about myself and so I begrudgingly drag myself out only to be reminded why I hate social interactions in the real world. I find myself constantly having to remind that person (or people) what I just mentioned above about who I am as an individual because they are frustrated that I was both late and probably had an emotional outburst or something at that point. Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME AT HOME OR CAME TO MY HOUSE WHERE I LOVE TO BE!!! Anyways, I got off on a mini rant there for a second but it was all to say that I love to be alone and at home, but we all need interaction with other humans sometimes. For the 2 weeks before I decided to give certain friendships another try, I did enjoy the peace, but it also didn't seem fair that I chose to distance myself from that circle and they didn't even know why, really. I did end up telling them about these dilemmas, for the most part, and I will STILL keep them at a arms' length because they really did open my eyes to their naivety and their true selves, but casual conversation every now and then is good enough for me. I admit I was naïve myself but after having that shut down I feel more sure of myself than I had before everything went down. Not everyone or everything has to be a total "loss," you just have to decipher if it's worth fighting for with some adjustments to be made, or is it something you just had to learn from? (which I still don't consider a loss because you gained more insight and wisdom for the long run).
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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