I was talking with one of my friends about how we thought we would end up. She was saying how God had other plans for her and that she wasn't going to go out by means of violence. In her family, every woman has battled cancer, including her mom, her grandma, and maybe her great grandma have all had some form of cancer. She said she believes that's how her life might end (though, they did end up surviving in her family, but still). I told her that they seemed to live a long fucking time in my family. I think that's great for them and I love my family but for me? No, absolutely fucking not. I don't want, nor do I plan, on trying to live into old age. That is just not something I want. My great grandma passed away at like 110 or something, on my dad's side. My great grandma, on my mom's side, is 97 and still kicking it. My grandma just passed at 79 and my other grandma just turned 79. I think it would be just my luck to outlive everyone just because I'm so against it. It would be my luck that I would try to be on the curb, hoping that a bus jumps it and crashes into me... only for me to get hit and actually live with just a few broken bones or maybe I'd be paralyzed forever but still very much alive. I just know, in my soul, that I will live for such a long time and I am not thrilled by the thought, really. I think when you want something so bad, you just never get it. I keep hoping to come across some rare form of cancer, or maybe catch an aneurism while I shower and just die but that might be too much. I will just go on about life, winging it until I've fulfilled my "purpose," I guess.
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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