I had to hurry and write about this while the memory was still fresh on my mind and I was still experiencing the feelings of it all... I had this dream and my grandma made an appearance! The dream didn't start with her or really surround her but just the fact that she was there and I got to enjoy that moment with her, made all the difference in the world. The dream was one I have had before and it's still weird to me. It's about me babysitting or something. I'll skip straight to my grandma being the star of the show... It was like a blink of an eye and it was me, my mom and my sister Braelyn sitting at this table, like in the kitchen or something, and we were trying to
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I was talking to my friend about family and he said that he doesn't do much with his family, outside of with his own kids. I told him how family oriented I am and that I would DIE without my family. I do everything with my family, like, every holiday we are all together. Before my grandma passed away, we would all hang out at her house, in the yard, just living and loving life. I love my family so much and I just can't imagine not having that bond with them because they are my best friends. I always think about how lucky I am to have landed such a
I can't even lie, sometimes I still really want to die. I didn't mean to make that rhyme or even sound poetic at all. I mean it, though. It'll be the slightest thing to happen to me and I feel so stressed out and all my negative emotions towards myself will come flooding back. I try to quiet the thoughts but I do think about how easy it would be to slip away. When I used to feel suicidal, I thought about how I would do it and if God would forgive me somehow for ending my life. Honestly, I would have done it a long time ago, back then, if I weren't so afraid that I'd be condemned to Hell or something. It's weird, too, having those be the thoughts to stop me, and not family or friends. I guess I was selfish in my thinking and it's hard to admit that to myself. I remember my
It is crazy to think that I was once engaged to a woman, well, not crazy, kind of awesome actually. Anyways, I was talking to her on the phone and I forgot what we were talking about or how we even got on the topic but I think I asked her if she could imagine what life would have been like if we were married? Mind you, I got engaged to her when I was 16 and she was almost 26. With how things turned out in my life, it's kind of funny and actually hard to visualize what life would have been like if we went through it. The conversation on that, though, ended with us saying how we really are better a part, as awesome friends. It was way too emotional and dramatic in our relationship. When we just operate as friends that just kind of catch up with one another here and there then things are 1000x better. I value my friendship with her because it's genuine.
I talked to one of my friends earlier in the day and he basically said why be his friend if he ain't shit and never will be. I don't know where all this came from randomly so I was confused at first. I guess someone had told him that earlier in the day. I told him that when I first met him, I might have said that too because he didn't want to do shit in life, just float by and do scams. Now, he has definitely changed his life around. He works a few jobs and just got an apartment with a room mate. He works hard for what he has and he hates hand outs. I said told him that he is working towards being a better person and he doesn't need to feel down on himself. I completely
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About the AuthorI got the idea to create a blog in December 2014 on a random type of day.Writing has always been therapeutic; the only way I could communicate clearly, in actual words instead of struggling to unscramble the swirl of images, metaphors & analogies that is my thought process. In short, Archives
February 2020
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